Set aside some time today, to spend time alone with your spouse. Not only will this help to bolster your relationship, but your kids will gain a healthy view of marriage.

After the new wears off of a marriage relationship, it’s easy to start taking each other for granted. You stop pursuing each other. You get focused on all the busyness of raising children––getting them to do their homework, taking them to sports practices, games and other lessons and rehearsals. There is really no time left for each other. Nevertheless, husbands and wives need to prioritize their relationship in such a way that they make time for each other.

One of the things that Katie and I have done for years is have a weekly date night. We also learned very early in our relationship about having “couch time” every day. After I got home and said hi to the kids and loved on them, Katie and I would sit down and talk about how the day went, and so forth. The kids would see us spending time with each other even though they wanted our attention. They saw that we gave top priority to our relationship with each other.

It’s important for children to see that they are not the center of your universe. If they are the center of your universe (which is common thinking of parenting romanticized), they control your world. They get you to do anything they want. What?! My spouse is more important than my kids? It might sound harsh or heartless, but the fact is, kids feel secure when they see a team of a mom and a dad who love each other and are committed to each other. The kids feel fine being priority number two.

Buckle up, and get ready to drive the family around to see the local area’s Christmas lights and decorations. Remember, the displays are not the point of the trip; it is a chance for your kids to grow closer to you.

The window to your child’s heart has a much higher probability of opening after you do some activity together that has nothing to do with a serious topic. For example, when you play a nonsensical game or go somewhere fun where your child feels an atmosphere of love and trust and affection from you, the window will probably begin to squeak open by the end of the night, after your time together. Yes, you’re tired. You would have been happy for the conversation to come up earlier, maybe over dinner or coffee, or during one of the activities you were doing. But no, your child wants to bring up a topic now. The prudent parent will see the crack in the window and take the cue. And even though tired, he or she will ramp up again to go through the window, because open windows are few and far between.

So when your kids invite you to do something with them, even if you don’t feel comfortable, and may not want to, the fact that you do it and do it with them, even when it makes you look stupid, sends a message to them. It bonds you to them and proves that they can trust you with their hearts.

One time at the beach, one of my kids said, “Come on, Pop, let’s go dive into the waves together.” I had already jumped in, and now I wanted to relax. I wanted to read, but there was an opportunity for a shared experience with her. “The water feels amazing; you’ve got to jump in these waves,” she said. And so I did. I took the cue and responded to the fact that she was waiting for my presence. The same is true of your children. When they want you to do something with them, even when you would prefer not to, do it anyway, and your child will connect with you on a deeper level and will be more prone to openness with you.

If there is any tension among your family members, seek forgiveness and reconciliation today. When you humble yourself, your son or daughter will be more likely to open up to you.

A teenager is going to talk to somebody about what’s going on in his or her heart. The question is, Will it be you? If it’s not you, will it be someone with far less wisdom? Will he or she go to a peer? Studies show that most kids join gangs because they’re looking for the closeness of family that they don’t get at

Your kid’s heart will be vulnerable to those who are listening to them. Is she sharing her heart online on Facebook? It’s tragic when a kid blogs his or her pain for all the world to see because mom and dad, sitting 10 yards away from where the child sits typing away, are too busy to listen. If you haven’t had a heart-to-heart talk with your kids in a while, you need to find out who they’re sharing their heart with. But do it in a very subtle way. Start creating opportunities to show tangible love so that perhaps the window to their heart will be opened to you once again.

Remember when I said that parenting requires sacrifice? Every time you have a late-night conversation with your teenager, you are sending a positive message, and a window to his or her heart starts to creak open. Your tangible interest and love is what draws your child’s heart toward your own. That’s what you want above all else. Because whoever your children open up to are the ones who will have the most influence on shaping their heart and life. If you know that you have wronged your children by maybe attacking their personality or yelling unnecessarily, do not hesitate to come to them seeking forgiveness. When your kids see that you are able to admit your imperfections, they will let their guard down and admit their imperfections as well.

Ask your kids if they know of any friends or acquaintances that are financially in need. Have them pick out a present that person would appreciate and leave it for them anonymously.

Every dollar you spend communicates what you value. Even if you can afford everything you want (or everything your kids want), it may be smarter to refrain from fulfilling those desires. Do not let innovation and technology drive your purchases. Make decisions on what you spend money on based on what you value and what is important to you. Before you buy, think through the implications of purchasing a piece of technology, which could turn into a time thief and shape the wrong values. If that means you don’t get the flat screen TV that you’ve wanted for years, then so be it.

Fathers and mothers who get a monetary bonus from their employer and spend that money on indulging themselves on cutting-edge technology only make the family even more chaotic by inviting more media into the house. Before you buy, think about the effect every purchase will have on your family. Have the wisdom to show restraint. Owning every toy that has been invented is not the path to freedom and happiness. You need to decide in advance what kind of family you want to have and the values you want them to emulate. Then allow your purchases to line up with those values. Even though your ego will not be thrilled in the moment, your family will be thrilled in the long term. Instead of buying that latest gadget, gather your family together and decide on a family of one or more friends that you can bless instead with that money. It doesn’t have to be huge, just thoughtful. Let your teens pick out the present and let it be your secret.