On Christmas Eve gather around the tree to open one present each. Then have everyone write down what gift they would like to give Jesus for His birthday. Allow them to dream big in what they offer to Him.

98 percent of people are followers; 2 percent are the shapers of culture. The 2 percent are the dreamers. One of our biggest responsibilities as parents is not only to protect our kids from culture but to help them be the shapers of culture. A lot of this book so far has shown you how to insulate your kids and proactively instill your values in them. The point of doing that is not just so you can have a ‘good family’ with great values, but to teach your family to take those values and begin to impact and shape the rest of the world.
 
How do we get our kids into the 2 percent who are the shapers of culture? How do we get them to be the dreamers for their generation, inventing the gadgets, writing the songs, driving the businesses, running for political office and sitting on school boards? It starts while they are young. As moms and dads, we need to be about the business of sparking the desire and planting the seed in their heart to creatively dream when they are very, very young.

We have told our kids from the beginning that they were born to change the world. They were born to make a difference. We put them to sleep at night praying over them, “God, use Hannah (Charity, Cameron) to change the world. Use her to make a difference . . . to touch people’s lives.” From the youngest age, that seed was planted in their minds and hearts; they grew up believing they really can change the world and make a difference.

Our goal as parents is not just for our kids to become “good” members of society. We need to raise them to be change agents. We need to raise them to take the values we have instilled in them, harnessed with a passion for God, and inspire them to reach out to people. We multiply the impact we have had on their lives to countless others, as they reach out. Getting them to think deeply about what they want to do to honor God this year is a great first step on their way to becoming dreamers!

Have a movie night with the family! Make some popcorn and watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” together. Afterwards, take a few minutes asking each person what they think is wonderful about their life and what the movie shows about the things we value. Take the time to really listen to what your child values. Then plan a big New Year’s time with your family like this:

What are your core values? It’s easy to say, “I just want my family to follow the Bible,” or simply quote the fruit of the Spirit (see Gal. 5:22-23). Often, we find that when we say we just want to follow the whole Bible, or a preset list of qualities, we end up practicing none of them. We end up emphasizing none of them. It’s more effective to create a list of about three to five values upon which to build your family name, heritage and practices. What are the actions and attitudes that you want reflected in everything you do? What do you want the foundation of your family to be?

Identifying your list of core values requires that you and your spouse think through the question, What kind of kids do we want to raise? If nothing else, what are the four or five characteristics that you would like to roll off the tongue when people think of your family? More than anything else, what do you want to instill in your kids and see them identify as their code of values?

Katie and I created our list when our kids were very young. We came up with many qualities, or values, and realized the list was too long. In Proverbs 22:1, the Bible talks how a good name is hard to find; it’s more valuable that silver or gold.2 Based on that proverb, we asked ourselves, “What do we want our lives and our family reputation to stand for?” We reduced the list to four values and backed up each value with a passage of Scripture that best embodied each idea.

It’s a common practice in the business world for a business, in order to shape its culture, to establish core values and rally every employee around those values. Doing this begins to actually change the culture of the workplace. You can’t just change the culture because you want to; you must get the people to accept and support these values.

I began to wonder if the same concept might work in my family. So we decided to establish some values. We didn’t just say, “These are our values.” We got the family to really shape their lives around them. After doing all the work in advance, and thinking through what our four values would be, and selecting the Scriptures that best represented who we wanted to be, we decided to make the family core values a great unveiling.

We made it a big event for our family––a defining moment. Cameron was about three, and our daughters, Hannah and Charity, were only eight and nine years old. We told them, “A week from today, we are having a big family celebration. It’s going to be something exciting that we’ve never done before.” When we said that, they would shout, “What is it? What is it?” And we’d reply, “Sorry, we can’t tell you any more. It’s going to be a big surprise.” Each day we would tease them a little bit more. “It’s going to be so great. We are all going to get dressed up!” They would say, “Really? Can you tell us what it is?” Then we’d say, “Sorry, we can’t tell you more. It’s going to be on Friday night, and it’s going to be great! We’re going to have a special meal. Oh, sorry, we can’t tell you any more . . .” We built up great anticipation in the kids.

When the big night arrived, we all got dressed up and had a big meal together. Katie and I cooked something really fancy that we knew the kids would like. Then we had a large mysterious something set up in the living room, covered with a tablecloth. We lit lots of candles to add to the vibe. After the nice dinner, we brought everyone into the living room. We said, “We care about our family name, and we care about all of us going in the same direction together. It’s important. A good name is hard to find; its more valuable that silver or gold. We care about the character of our family.” I took a brick and a hammer and––SLAM––broke the brick in front of them. I said, “See this brick? It’s not strong in itself. What’s inside the brick is what makes it strong. It is what’s inside our family that makes us strong––and what’s inside is our character. Tonight, we’re talking about what will make us a strong family so that we can build something strong together. Mom and I have been thinking and praying about what we, as a family, want to stand for. So we want to show you our four core values . . .” And with a grand swoosh, we unveiled the masterpiece. Plan something similar for New Year’s to kick off 2010!

Bundle up in warm layers and go caroling with your family. Take turns in picking your favorite Christmas melodies. Many times we go to the houses of our kids’ friends and shoot them with marshmallows when we’re done singing. You could also bring candy canes or gingerbread cookies to give out. (Be creative and have fun!)

I have said this in so many ways, but let me say it again: You can influence who your kid’s friends are. Many parents think, I can’t influence anything my kid does at school. That is not true.

You can influence who your kid’s friends are even when they are at school. First of all, when they are young, plant in their heart the desire to have the right kinds of friends. That does not always mean they are going to choose correctly, so you are going to have to help shape who they call, who they hang out with, who they are allowed to interact with after school, which is where most of the shaping would happen. Most important, if you find kids who are really making a positive difference, find ways to get your kids connected with them. At the very least, do not allow them to have a bunch of slug friends that are so submerged with media and the culture that it rubs off on your kids.

Doing an activity like this together will help you get to know who your kids friends are. It is imperative to know who your kids spend most of their time with. What kind of talk goes on at school? What’s being said in the locker room? Who are their best friends? And in particular, what is going on at overnight parties and sleepovers, even when they are young? Are they staying with their friends the whole night?

Most parents don’t imagine they have any control over what are considered “normal” activities. How can parents control who their kids’ friends are or what they do? How can they possibly know what’s being said or done when their kids stay the night at another person’s house? These are all difficult questions, but they are not unanswerable. We need to wake up to the fact that what seems to be the “normal way kids grow up” can actually pose entry points for the culture to begin to shape their minds and hearts.

Sacrifice at least 2 hours of your time to have a bonfire with your immediate family. Have your son help gather wood for the fire, or have your daughter help prepare s’mores for everyone to eat.

Parenting was never supposed to be easy. No one ever called it simple, effortless or painless. If you ever put your kids on remote control because you have all sorts of “electronic baby-sitters” available to occupy their time, you can say that it really doesn’t affect your kids, but if they’re still in the process of growing up, how can you be sure? The bottom line: parenting equals sacrifice.
“But I don’t have time,” a parent may say. “I have so many pressures at work; I am trying to provide for my family.” It’s a seemingly rational explanation , but the question is: Provide your family what? More of the stuff that the media machine is trying to sell? Wouldn’t you rather provide a safe, loving environment to impart your values to your kids?

It’s undeniable that as a parent, you will sacrifice something. You can choose to sacrifice up front: time, sleep, career, hobbies while your kids are small. But I guarantee that you will also reap joy and delight as they grow up. You will gain a lifetime of intimately knowing them and the privilege of helping them grow into seasoned, productive, godly adults. If you don’t sacrifice up front, you will sacrifice later. Think about scenarios such as your child getting pregnant (or getting someone pregnant) as a young person, multiple times. Imagine living through your child’s divorce (perhaps several times) and playing the visiting game with divorced in-laws for the rest of your life. Can you picture a 35-year-old old couch potato camping out on your futon because he can’t hold down a job?

Your kids will be old a lot longer than they are young. I know people in the older generation who have had grown kids causing them misery and regret for their entire adult life. Boy, now that is a sacrifice. Even if you do it for purely selfish reasons, sacrificing up front to spend the needed time with your kids in order to raise them well will protect from life-long sacrifice.