If there is any tension among your family members, seek forgiveness and reconciliation today. When you humble yourself, your son or daughter will be more likely to open up to you.

A teenager is going to talk to somebody about what’s going on in his or her heart. The question is, Will it be you? If it’s not you, will it be someone with far less wisdom? Will he or she go to a peer? Studies show that most kids join gangs because they’re looking for the closeness of family that they don’t get at

Your kid’s heart will be vulnerable to those who are listening to them. Is she sharing her heart online on Facebook? It’s tragic when a kid blogs his or her pain for all the world to see because mom and dad, sitting 10 yards away from where the child sits typing away, are too busy to listen. If you haven’t had a heart-to-heart talk with your kids in a while, you need to find out who they’re sharing their heart with. But do it in a very subtle way. Start creating opportunities to show tangible love so that perhaps the window to their heart will be opened to you once again.

Remember when I said that parenting requires sacrifice? Every time you have a late-night conversation with your teenager, you are sending a positive message, and a window to his or her heart starts to creak open. Your tangible interest and love is what draws your child’s heart toward your own. That’s what you want above all else. Because whoever your children open up to are the ones who will have the most influence on shaping their heart and life. If you know that you have wronged your children by maybe attacking their personality or yelling unnecessarily, do not hesitate to come to them seeking forgiveness. When your kids see that you are able to admit your imperfections, they will let their guard down and admit their imperfections as well.

Ask your kids if they know of any friends or acquaintances that are financially in need. Have them pick out a present that person would appreciate and leave it for them anonymously.

Every dollar you spend communicates what you value. Even if you can afford everything you want (or everything your kids want), it may be smarter to refrain from fulfilling those desires. Do not let innovation and technology drive your purchases. Make decisions on what you spend money on based on what you value and what is important to you. Before you buy, think through the implications of purchasing a piece of technology, which could turn into a time thief and shape the wrong values. If that means you don’t get the flat screen TV that you’ve wanted for years, then so be it.

Fathers and mothers who get a monetary bonus from their employer and spend that money on indulging themselves on cutting-edge technology only make the family even more chaotic by inviting more media into the house. Before you buy, think about the effect every purchase will have on your family. Have the wisdom to show restraint. Owning every toy that has been invented is not the path to freedom and happiness. You need to decide in advance what kind of family you want to have and the values you want them to emulate. Then allow your purchases to line up with those values. Even though your ego will not be thrilled in the moment, your family will be thrilled in the long term. Instead of buying that latest gadget, gather your family together and decide on a family of one or more friends that you can bless instead with that money. It doesn’t have to be huge, just thoughtful. Let your teens pick out the present and let it be your secret.

Write a note to each of your children today. Tell them what you most appreciate about them, remind them of your favorite memories together at Christmas, and express dreams you have for them in their futures.

As we speak to our kids, we need to be careful to speak kindly, and without condemnation. We need to have a voice of compassion, not of anger. We don’t finger-point and communicate that our teens are worthless when they do wrong, but we instead must demonstrate our love in creative ways.
 
Our voice needs to sound like the voice of Christ as we communicate our ideals, values and faith. We need to step out of a defensive position and get offensive in terms of creatively engaging our teens in deep thought so they at least have to consider what we say instead of simply dismissing us. Is this not what Jesus did with His parables, stories and object lessons? He made people think through the issues of life, with faith and the Creator God as a backdrop. They had to wrestle with their faith and their own connection to God, based on the stories He told.

We need to do the same thing with our teenagers. Rather than condemning our sons and daughters for their mistakes, we need to start nurturing their walk with God. We cannot try to engage the matters of the heart from a cerebral perspective only; our voices must be loving, creative and potent so that the message goes to the heart. This in turn will help shape their opinions, actions, habits, and ultimately their destiny. 

Take time today to invest in your kid’s interests. As a family, spend one hour doing one thing that each of the member of the family loves to do.

It’s easy to think, If I put my family first, I am getting further behind; I have a list of things to do at my job (or ministry) that takes 24/7 to do. It really is a fallacy to think that way. In order to do your very best at your job or ministry, you need to be whole. You need to be strong. You need to have a whole family, whole children and a whole relationship with your spouse. By listening to them, disciplining, instructing, talking, running, being frustrated––just being present with them, you become a better person. When you go back to your office, you are not just a driven machine executing details; you are equipped to relate better to the people you are managing and deal with the frustrations they have at home.

It’s one-dimensional living to only go after your career or ministry. We often think that if we stay focused on that one dimension, we will be successful. If you are married, having a wholesome marriage will make you more successful than just being driven by your career. If you have children, being focused on your marriage and your children brings wholesomeness to your life so that when you put your game face on for work, you really are at 100 percent capacity rather than barely surviving from day to day.

Marrying Katie has truly saved my life. In order to have a balanced, wholesome marriage, I have learned that I’ve got to listen to her. I’ve learned how to say to myself, It’s time to shut work off and focus on her. When we decided to have children, we committed to spending the right amount of time with them. Family life has actually preserved my life and increased my chances of living a longer life because of the wholesomeness found in a relationship with my wife and children.

Don’t miss out on the experience of having your kids share something that enlightens you, or even rebukes you. They may show you a part of your personality that needs work. They will definitely give you joy. God brings our children into our life to make us the whole people we need to be to be effective in the world, period.