Buckle up, and get ready to drive the family around to see the local area’s Christmas lights and decorations. Remember, the displays are not the point of the trip; it is a chance for your kids to grow closer to you.

The window to your child’s heart has a much higher probability of opening after you do some activity together that has nothing to do with a serious topic. For example, when you play a nonsensical game or go somewhere fun where your child feels an atmosphere of love and trust and affection from you, the window will probably begin to squeak open by the end of the night, after your time together. Yes, you’re tired. You would have been happy for the conversation to come up earlier, maybe over dinner or coffee, or during one of the activities you were doing. But no, your child wants to bring up a topic now. The prudent parent will see the crack in the window and take the cue. And even though tired, he or she will ramp up again to go through the window, because open windows are few and far between.

So when your kids invite you to do something with them, even if you don’t feel comfortable, and may not want to, the fact that you do it and do it with them, even when it makes you look stupid, sends a message to them. It bonds you to them and proves that they can trust you with their hearts.

One time at the beach, one of my kids said, “Come on, Pop, let’s go dive into the waves together.” I had already jumped in, and now I wanted to relax. I wanted to read, but there was an opportunity for a shared experience with her. “The water feels amazing; you’ve got to jump in these waves,” she said. And so I did. I took the cue and responded to the fact that she was waiting for my presence. The same is true of your children. When they want you to do something with them, even when you would prefer not to, do it anyway, and your child will connect with you on a deeper level and will be more prone to openness with you.